Interview with Bishop Brenda Bos, Author of “Refilling the Reservoirs: Spiritual Care for the Exhausted Caregiver”

Photo by Patrick on Unsplash

Church Anew is delighted to continue a series that celebrates the books and contributions of leaders in our community. While we can’t share every book or article or milestone, feel free to nominate someone or some piece that you know by contacting our blog editor Emmy Kegler at emmy@churchanew.org.


Please share a brief summary of your book.

Caregivers experience a wide range of emotions and situations, often in solitude or stress. Each chapter of Refilling the Reservoirs takes on a common reaction of the caregiver, be it Isolation, Guilt, Hope, or Loss of Home. Knowing the soul of a caregiver is taxed, this book brings spiritual care and curiosity to each situation.

Why did you write this book?

After my wife and I adopted a teenager with special needs and trauma, we found ourselves cared for by therapists, doctors and social workers, but no one knew how to soothe the spiritual despair we felt. My own spiritual director and pastors pointed out this spiritual need, and I spent the next several years exploring how to refill the spiritual reservoirs needed to keep going in challenging times.

Who should read this book?

I am amazed by who resonates with this book. I wrote it for caregivers of parents, children and spouses, and maybe professional caregivers. I hoped the pastors and therapists of those folks would also use it and recommend it to their patients and parishioners. But some of the readers who love the book are simply people who love people; we all need a spiritual boost.

What do you want your reader to take away after reading your book?

You are not alone in your struggle. Your spiritual despair makes sense, and God is reaching out. Your feelings are real, your overwhelm is real, and God has something to offer. While I write it as a Christian, I worked hard to not make it preachy or proselytizing. I think I was successful–my atheist best friend loves this book!

You share some very personal examples/struggles in your book, especially with your adopted son. Why did you choose to share such personal challenges?

Is there another way to write? I think of the writer’s mantra: “Writing is easy. You just open a vein and bleed.” I have been dissatisfied with self-help books which are cerebral and academic, even when written by a layperson. I wanted authenticity and connection, and that only comes through story. Also, I love to talk about myself, and here was my chance.

I appreciated what you shared about ritual in families and relationships. Say more about this, please.

Church leaders are lamenting the lack of liturgical practice in so many church spaces. It is not that we want the pomp and circumstance, we want the shared experience of movement and words. Humans crave that. Ritual provides a framework and meaning for our lives. Remember the first time you saw a child mimic what the adults were doing? They belonged in a new way. Finding common ritual–whether it's two kisses before bed to washing dishes together, to writing a thank you note–grounds us and reminds us who we are. Disability, sickness, or mental illness may change our ability to engage in these rituals, so it’s important to find new ones.

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You write about "surrender" and "space." How are these related?

Space is another human need, right? We know how important it is to say, “This is my space, this is my land, this is our family home or church.” Space is part of our security and even our identity. So, when it is threatened, by physical change or emotional shifts, our body feels it, and our mind rebels, in subtle and not so subtle ways. It’s important for us to name and understand the discomfort we feel.

But the only way to spiritual freedom is to then release that discomfort. This is a lifelong task, and most people refuse to work on it. This surrender is a core spiritual tenet of the Abrahamic faiths (trust God) and eastern religions (no attachments). My parentheticals are wildly simplistic. But you understand what I’m saying: the spiritual path is one where we must clearly see our human state and then release all human attachments to those struggles. We surrender our “space,” that is, our understanding of our identity and location, to whatever God’s understanding of our belonging and purpose are. Again, this is really difficult work, but I suspect most people see it is at the core of enlightenment and freedom. Until we “let go” of our own ideas of who we are and where we are and why we are, we cannot get to the spiritual refreshing God wants for us.

Is there anything else you want to add?

I was hopeless for several years. I never thought I would find hope or healing. And it came. I’m changed by the struggles I go through, but I know God in a more profound way, and for that I am humbled and grateful.


Refilling the Reservoirs is available wherever books are sold.


Rev. Eric Shafer

The Rev. Eric C. Shafer is a regular contributor to Church Anew and serves as “Pastor in Residence” for Global Refuge - www.globalrefuge.org  - which is now in its 85th year serving immigrants and refugees.  He has served ELCA congregations in Pennsylvania and California and was the ELCA’s Communication Director, a synod bishop’s assistant, and an interfaith communication executive.  He and his wife, Kris, live at Pilgrim Place in Claremont, California.

Bishop Brenda Bos

Bishop Brenda Bos is an ordained pastor of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA) and Bishop of the ELCA’s Southwest California Synod. She and her wife, Janis, adopted a special needs teenager over a decade ago and have learned innumerable lessons in that process. Before becoming a pastor, Brenda was a television producer at Warner Brothers Entertainment.

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