Speak Comfort To Me: Devotions for Dementia
Photo by Robina Weermeijer on Unsplash
How does it feel? Imagine you’re standing at the top of a ridge looking down upon a huge valley that is teaming with bison and your job is to examine and tag each one. This is what people with dementia experience, when a simple task like putting on clothes, something that lives in our muscle memory can feel like facing an endless herd of bison. The anxiety or fear comes to the surface quickly, unexpectedly and overwhelmingly.
There is a line in Charles Dickens’ classic tale of Ebenezer Scrooge that resonates with me as a metric for those who have dementia and those who love them and seek to comfort them. Ebenezer Scrooge is visited by the spirit of his deceased, former partner Jacob Marley. He is advised to heed the spirits' words, lest Scrooge himself would experience the cruel retribution that Marley bears.
The level of discomfort rising quickly within him, Scrooge impresses upon the spirit to change the tone of his words. “Speak comfort to me, Jacob,” he pleads, though the tone of Marley‘s missive has little to do with comfort. We forget how Scrooge is feeling in that situation. When the mind is swirling in what I call “the whirlpool of overload” there are only a few options to help make those moments lessen their discomfort.
We can speak peace and comfort to those we love when turmoil seems the only option for them. It could help to reduce their stress with a familiar centering moment through the use of scripture and words of peace, joy, and hope. For those who love someone with dementia and wish there was a way to share scripture in the context of whatever level of comfort or cognition the loved one is experiencing, I offer up a place to search an opportunity to share and bond with those they cherish and whose journey in the loss of memory loss of cognition and loss of peace is a constant presence.
These opportunities are often few and far between. I hope that through these writings both those with dementia and those who love and care for them will find a place of peace in those painful moments when the disease process rises up and distresses their friend or family member.
As one whose personal journey has brought me face-to-face with the process of losing my words, losing my thoughts, and at times what feels like losing my mind, I am inspired to provide a way of being present, perhaps even a way of grounding time, shared with someone whose ability to comfort themselves may be fleeting.
I remember when writing stopped being a joy for me and began to feel like a burden. As time went by, writing became a stumbling block. Somewhere between composing a message and delivering it, there were gaps of time in the reasoning and statements I had made now no longer landed.
I covered for those as best I could during worship, though I am sure I wore a look of confusion in doing so. Over time, I would read a message and discover where I had written paragraphs which I can only describe as word salad. This began to happen as I was preaching, forcing me to ad lib as I went. It would be a long time between those experiences and my diagnosis. By then I had already chosen to stop serving as a pastor.
I would often come home with no recall of driving to or from my last destination. Obviously, this was distressing for me, and I consulted my family for advice. Eventually, I knew I needed to stop working for my safety and sanity. I was 60 years old, almost to the finish line, but still in need of income and support.
One thing remains, however, my sincere prayer for all of us to find peace in a very confusing and difficult time. God is not far from those who call upon his name!
It is this prayer that I leave you with two devotionals for people with dementia, Alzheimer’s, and other problems common to aging.
A couple quick notes:
I prefer a short format with memorable and engaging scripture and prayer. If frustration arises, I find things go better with a bit of singing, so be flexible.
A preferred pattern is a short prayer, Scripture reading, devotion, short closing prayer. If your loved one or patient is responding well, perhaps offer additional prayer for family and friends, facility staff, etc. If patients are not responsive, I usually move into the Lord’s Prayer, which often engages the person.
Devotion #1 - Genesis 1:1-2:1 - God’s Love
As I write this, the birds are singing a chorus outside my window. It’s not a practiced choir and there doesn’t seem to be too much of a selection. What does stand out is the informality of the process. These birds aren’t standing shoulder to shoulder, lined up according to vocal range.
What fascinates me is their willingness to sing celebratory songs of finding food, meeting friends, and enjoying a beautiful spring day. They don’t wait for someone to bring their breakfast, (well, only the very young). Right now, although I hear many voices, I only see male robins who frankly look confused. I know the feeling.
As God demonstrated how the world came together in Genesis 1, He also took time to stop and appreciate what He had accomplished. Never do we hear of a discard bin or a scrap pile. God honored what He did with appreciation along the way.
When God made two creations meant to protect, respect and defend His world, some might say He saved the best for last. Others of us might wonder aloud to God about why He gave us tears to cry and hearts to break and minds to question and worry. Wouldn’t we do much better things if we weren’t worried so much of the time?
Or could it be that because we are made in God’s image, we too have the gift of love for the world and its inhabitants? Sometimes this love gives us strength, sometimes it will bring us to tears, other times it will make us proud, and at other times it will save our lives. Love will last as long as we will. It never dies, not even when we do. Love lasts.
Devotion #2 - Job 38 - Anxiety
After the sky fell down and the curtain closed on the very bad day, Job went home and just rebuilt his life. As if! He did what any self-respecting servant of a loving God would do. He listened to God’s testimony about Himself. When God answered back it was a long and feisty speech, so rapid in questions just reading it is difficult, let alone reciting it.
Peppered by questions meant to distinguish God’s knowledge from his own, Job wisely did not respond with wisdom or rhetoric. Job sat silently just waiting for the questions to stop. Have you ever been the subject of a drawn-out lecture when the only response you had was to nod? God broke down to their essential components the wonders of nature and God’s wisdom, His ways.
There was no place for Job to go and avoid being trapped forever into a vortex of demanding interrogation. Did a parent ever make you stand like a trial witness, answering question after question and you never got to a consensus? This must be what it was like for Job.
There are times when we find ourselves searching for answers to God’s choices, ways, and presence. Job didn’t seem to find a good footing until he had an advantage on the field.
There are times when we find ourselves searching for answers to God’s choices, ways and presence. Job didn’t seem to find a good footing until he had an advantage on the field. It was his tenacity and courage that kept him going and spurred him on to get to the bottom of God’s actions.
