Agape: Accepting Ego-Sacrifice as a Foundation for Transformative Love
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Agape—the radical, unconditional love taught by Jesus—is not merely an abstract virtue; it is a call to sacrifice the ego and accept reality as it is, so that we may love not only those who love us but also our enemies. Unlike the familiar affections shared among family, friends, or lovers, agape demands an ego‐sacrifice. It requires us to set aside our need for affirmation and control and to extend a love that is both truth-rooted and transformative.
Jesus exemplified this transformative love when He commanded, “But I say to you, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you” (Luke 6:27). This mandate goes far beyond the comfortable reciprocity of familial or friendly love; it calls us to actively seek the good of even those who oppose us. In 1 John 4:8, we read, “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” Here, agape is not a mere feeling but the very nature of God—a love that transcends personal gain and is fully expressed when the ego is set aside.
The New Testament clearly explains this. In 1 Corinthians 13:7, Paul describes a love that “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” This kind of love is cultivated through moments of vulnerability and sacrifice—not through the familiar, self-affirming bonds of kinship or friendship. Instead, agape challenges us to look beyond our self-interest and see others in their full, often broken, reality.
Despite agape’s central role in Christ’s teaching, Protestant scholarship has largely overlooked its disruptive nature. A survey of leading theological journals and seminary curricula shows that only a handful of studies treat agape as a central, transformative ethic. Researchers such as N.T. Wright and Multmann have pointed out that when love is examined in academic settings, the focus is often on the more familiar, reciprocal forms of affection.* In contrast, agape—with its demand to love our enemies and to forgive unconditionally—is frequently relegated to the margins of discussion or treated as an abstract ideal without practical implications.
This academic neglect is significant in that it has also perpetuated human misconceptions. It reflects a broader cultural reluctance to engage with a love that disrupts our innate tendencies toward self-preservation and hierarchical relationships. Most people are comfortable discussing the love that sustains families or friendships because it reinforces personal worth. But the call to agape requires us to confront the challenge of rejecting self-interest in favor of a love that truly transforms. N.T. Wright argues genuine love “affirms the reality of the other” by requiring us to see beyond our own needs.
Similarly, Brené Brown’s research on vulnerability has illuminated the importance of shedding our protective armor. In her book Daring Greatly, Brown shows that true connection comes when we dare to be vulnerable—when we allow ourselves to be seen without pretense. This vulnerability is not a weakness but the very pathway to living out the radical love of agape.
Brené Brown emphasizes embracing love as a guiding principle, especially in challenging times. She reflects on how, when faced with a tough and disconnected world, she seeks solace in the "softness and connection" of her family and friends, embodying what she calls her "love ethic." Brown also highlights the significance of self-love through creative expression, stating that engaging in activities like researching, writing, and thinking is essential for her well-being. In her conversations, she delves into the profound nature of divine love, discussing how we often misinterpret God as a dictator rather than a lover, and how we're ill-equipped to grasp the infinite nature of God's love.
Brown’s approach to love, which emphasizes deep vulnerability and radical self-sacrifice, sometimes challenges traditional seminary teachings that favor more conventional, reciprocal models of love. In doing so, she, along with other contemporary researchers, pushes us to reexamine how love is understood both in academic circles and in everyday church language.
The gap in scholarship has profound implications for church life. If communities continue to solely focus on the safe, ego-affirming forms of love that sustain familiar relationships, we risk missing the disruptive, redemptive power of agape. A church that truly embraces agape will reorient its leadership and community practices around reconciliation, forgiveness, and mutual care—even toward those who oppose it. This is not a suggestion to dismantle institutions; rather, it is an invitation to evaluate and infuse our structures with a love that cuts across hierarchies, fostering environments where genuine connection can flourish.
In our global and nihilistic world, our ability to love our neighbors, enemies, ourselves, and our families matters deeply. The task ahead is academic, spiritual, economic, political, private, communal, and practical. Theologians must develop a robust, interdisciplinary framework that treats agape as a measurable, transformative phenomenon. Ministers integrating insights from across disciplines can demonstrate that agape is not merely an abstract ideal but a dynamic, life-giving force. Churches, as communities, should foster tangible restoration from the ground up– creating spaces where this radical love is not only taught and lived within families, friendships, and local gatherings, but also applied in realms such as business, community leadership, education, nonprofits, and beyond.
The call to embody agape is ultimately a call to love our neighbors as Christ commands. It challenges us to reject the comfort of self-affirmation and to engage in a love that extends unconditionally—even to our enemies. By studying agape rigorously and applying its principles every day, we can transform our communities and, ultimately, our world.
Let us begin where we are—with our families, our relationships, our churches, and even those we label as “enemies.” Commit to a love that is as radical as it is real. By embracing this ego-sacrificial love, we mirror the heart of the Gospel and accept reality as an integrated whole, building communities marked by tangible life, forgiveness, and healing.
*Packiam, G. (n.d.). The Presence of a Faithful God: What Jürgen Moltmann and N.T. Wright Tell Us About Christian Hope. Retrieved from here
